第四頁
Ivan Wan
I first went to church when I was in mother’s womb, and I have known God and have been hearing His name ever since, but it wasn’t until I was 10 that I really knew who God was. As a kid, all I knew was fun. When problems came up, I just kept telling myself, “You are a boy, sort it out yourself, be strong!” From a very young age, I had already learnt how to be independent, because my dad travelled a lot for missionary, and my mum needed to work from 9 to 5. I don’t mean to complain about it. I actually wanted to thank them. If it was not for them, I wouldn’t know how to be independent, my life would be different. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t really be who I am now.
I committed to Christ in 2002 when I was 12. To be honest, I can’t remember what exactly prompted me to do it; all I can remember was that I was cried nonstop. Tearing just continuously dripping, they just wouldn’t stop. When Auntie Candy started to speak to me, tears were continuously, they just couldn’t stop. That might be mixed feelings of regret. After the commitment, I remember the first thing I said to my mum when I got home was, “I’ve booked my place in Heaven; and after today, I can say it out loud to everyone again.” But a few months, that new life had just died down. Once again, I returned to my old life: swearing, fighting, going out with any girl that I wanted, everything that was wrong to do, I did it. But at the moment, I didn’t bother to know how wrong I was because all I cared was I wanted to have fun. Time and time again, the fire had constantly been lightened up, but it never sustains; it would always die away. But come to think of it, I had always had a lot of question marks with no questions in my heart then, it was probably what you call a “sense of emptiness.” Now, I understand why I had that sense of emptiness in my heart. It was because I didn’t have God’s words in me, I didn’t bother talking to Him or seeking for Him, I was living my own life as Ivan, not living my life as God’s disciple. I was walking on my paths, not God’s.
Time flew by, but my life was the same. It didn’t change until the new church was opened, and I had the chance to serve God as a pianist. Through the piano, I could feel God. Some people might have noticed; when I played the piano, I was a different person. I felt like I was in a different world, because I knew God was listening. I enjoyed piano, whereas I hated it, since I didn’t see the point in playing it when no one listens. Last year, when the church was newly started, I had to choose from either piano or football. Because football matches clashed with the church service, at that time, I chose football over piano. Therefore I had been receiving signs of telling me to give it up. Now that I do, it makes me feel blessed as one of the stones in my heart is removed.
The turning point of my life was SEEC 2007 – “Stand Firm” was its theme. In that Easter camp, my life was transformed, and I discovered that the flame in my heart was still burning. During the camp, I felt love, I felt shame, and I felt God. A slide show was shown during the camp; it showed dramatic pictures of how the Lord suffered for me, just because of love. The holes in His hands, the pain and suffering. He had been through; no one could have fully understood how much pain. He had really taken. After that camp, my life’s been changed.
My main problem before I found Christ was my relationship attitudes. Before, I didn’t care to take responsibilities for the actions that I took, and I didn’t really want to have a steady and long-term relationship. If one girl wasn’t right, I would always have a substitute. But there was an incident that happened just before I moved to Liverpool, and it had changed my attitude. Now, all I really want is long-term relationship, and I don’t want a relationship without true love in it, and I believe if it’s meant to be, God will allow it to happen. So, I’ve learnt not to rush anything and rely on Him on relationships.
Just as I thought everything was going well with the baptismal class, other questions just start popping up... “Am I ready for baptism? and “Am I good enough?” But fortunately, God had prepared a speaker, Pastor William Ho, to clear all my confusions. He reminded me that baptism wasn’t a ceremony; it was a covenant between God and me. He also told me that baptism was a requirement from God to everyone who believes in him, therefore if I really believe in Him, I should baptise.
The latest and most memorable incident that made me feel the existence of God was by moving to Liverpool. Moving to a new place which meant everything was a fresh start, including surroundings; people; school; friends, and church. Before my moving, I kept telling myself, “Moving is not a problem, and I really don’t mind moving at all. However, as the moving date was getting closer, everything seemed to jam together. I started to feel sad, but I kept telling myself, “Stay strong, don’t let anyone know what you are feeling, and don’t let people worry about you. But that’s hard to do. Every time when people mentioned the word of “Liverpool”, there’s always a sense of hated and anger. Perhaps, that’s the place that took everything away from me and made things difficult to me at that time. But after I moved to Liverpool, I didn’t seem to hate it! In fact, I loved it. Even though it did take me a while to really get settled in and to meet new friends again, it wasn’t that hard when I reflected on the whole thing. It really reminds me of who God is. I pray every night, just to ask God, “Can I stay here, please? If not, can you just make it happen?” The whole Liverpool issue really reminds me of God doesn’t give us what we ask for, many times we always think we know what’s best for us, but the fact is only God knows what we really NEED, not want. He provides us with everything we need. In a sense, I really need to thank my dad, because he has been on missionary work for a long time, things are really turning out fine. It might be God’s blessing to dad by providing our family with the life we have now.
Baptism has always been my dream. When I see people getting baptised, I just smile from the inside out. Now, it’s happening to me. Not only am I getting baptised, but I am also getting baptised with my two brothers, Elliot and Tim. This day will always in my heart. Amen. Praise the Lord.
My favorite verse is in (Hebrew 11: 1) “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Thank you.
I have always been wondering what the word “calling” means, I know it means when God tells you what He intends you to do, I think I have never experienced that before since I can never hear a voice in my mind except for my own. When I was young, I lived in Hong Kong, and I studied at a Church of England school and I had learnt the Lord’s Prayer of “Our Father…” (Mathew 6: 9-13) from the RE class. At that time, memorising verses was easy for me, and I would always get them right. However, I did not know about God; until one night, I was having nightmares all through the night, I started to recite the Lord’s Prayer, and I prayed that God would stop the nightmare which He did. From then on, I knew that God must exist. Otherwise, who would’ve helped me to get to sleep peacefully? From that night on, I would pray every night, recite the same prayer, and be able to sleep peacefully.
When I moved to England, my parents started to bring me to a Catholic church in London. However, I was still clueless about God; and all I know is that there is a God who will listen to my prayer. I attended Sunday school there; not knowing the purpose of it, we were given this thick booklet with questions and answers about the Catholic Foundation. Since I was young and not knowing how to speak English properly, I was forced to daydream through lessons. When the teacher asked me questions, I would answer anything that popped into my head. Within a few months, I was baptised, again, not knowing what it meant, I just followed instructions. We still carried on going to church. I always felt bored during masses; I usually didn’t listen to what the priest said, and I daydreamt as always.
After a while, we moved to Milton Keynes. I went to St Paul’s Catholic School, where I met my brother’s friends, who introduced me to fellowship. They invited me several times, but I refused because of nerves, and I also didn’t know anyone. As you could tell, I was a nervous and shy person who did not like to talk loudly since I was lacking of confidence. Then slowly, I did not know what made me do this, but somehow I became interested in fellowship. Once, when I only had half an hour spare time on a Friday night before my piano lesson, I went to fellowship for that short period of time. I felt warmth and friendliness which made me want to go back. After a few weeks, I started to go back more regularly by turning up every week, and every time I went there; I would have fun. From there, I met all my closest friends that I have now. They are the ones who I can share my problems with and have fun with. Learning about God and how He sent His one and only son to come and save us from sin. As in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Because of this, I am so sure that there is a God who loves us so much that he was willing to send His Son down to earth and die for us.
Soon after I went to fellowship, I was invited to church. From my past experience, I had not had an enjoyable time in church. So, whenever I was asked, I avoided going; until one day, I decided to go. Once again, curiosity brought me there, since my brother seemed to have fun in church. My first time in church was impressive. It was a pretty small building comparing to the church that I attended in London. However, I never felt the warmth in the London church that I am currently going now. As time goes on, I have been attending church regularly and have learnt more and more about our Saviour, someone who treasures us and loves us no matter who we are, somebody who guides us through our lives because He loves us. Even though I don’t remember the exact date that I committed, but I clearly remember what happened: I believe it was an altar call, and it was a mistake to me. When the speaker asked, “If you are willing to accept Jesus Christ then raise your hand up.” Not knowing the true meaning about of the question, I raised my hand up, only because I do believe the existence of God. After a week, Aunty Candy approached me and she asked me whether or not I would like to commit myself to Jesus. Like before, I was clueless about it, so I said yes because deep down inside, I know there is a God. That’s when I started learning the "成長八課" and soon after, I started serving our God through playing the piano, singing in the choir and organising the new Wheatseed Fellowship. I might seem to look good in church; however, at school, I used to curse a lot because I think it was acceptable. Also, I used God’s name in vain, like saying, “Oh, my God.” As I have slowly become a “good” Christian, I would feel guilty every time I swore, and wonder when the first swearword came out of my mouth. Slowly, I began to stop swearing day by day; I would swear less and less.
Now, I don’t swear anymore because I don’t see the reason for doing it and think how disgusting it was to swear every day before. Also, I used to backstab about on people quite a lot; just like swearing, I have slowly decreased it.
Thinking to myself, how would I feel if people backstabbed about me?
I guess the most dramatic change that I have experienced in my spiritual life would be going to PHAT Camp 08. Even though I thought it wasn’t the best camp ever, however, in spiritual wise, it had a big influence on me. Like many camps that I attended before, such as PHAT winter, I would read the bible for a week after leaving the camp, then I would not touch the bible afterwards. Whereas this time, after the camp, I realised the importance of the Bible since it says in Matthew 4:4, “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” I believe that PHAT Camp gave me a chance to reflect on my spiritual life, especially on the last day when there was a chance for me to repent, to turn back to Jesus and to learn His Words from scratch. From then on, I would learn to read the Bible every day and have a fresh start There was another reason why I went to the camp, not only did I want to have fun and to meet new people, but I also also wanted to find the answer to the question that I had, “Do I want to get baptised?” Furthermore, I wanted to declare to EVERYONE that I was a follower of Christ. On the last day, I made a covenant with God: “Whatever I do in my life, I will serve Him.
Even though I still don’t know what I want to be in the future, I know that I will live the Christian life that He wants me to live.
I believe in Jesus because I truly believe that there is a God that exists in everyone’s heart. It’s your choice whether or not you listen to Him, and He is a friend to talk to when you are down or happy. He helps you out in difficulties, and He changes your life, just like He gave me confidence to shine. Now, I know what a calling is since I have experienced it. Firstly, without my parents creating me in the first place, and having a chance to learn the Lord’s Prayer, I would never be able to sleep peacefully through the nightmares. Secondly, without my parents making the decision to come to England; I would never meet my true friends who told me when I was wrong and guided me back on the right path. Lastly, without “mistakenly” lifting my hand up for the altar call, I would not be able to learn the成長八課 and would not be able to go to PHAT Camp 08 and truly become a true Christian who would be able to stand firm!! So by His amazing grace, I AM SAVED!!!
I was born in Whitechapel, London, on 17th February 1994. I lived with my grandparents for about a year and moved to Milton Keynes where my brother and sister were born. I went to Rivers First School, to Wellsmead Middle School and then to Emerson Valley School; now I am studying at Sir Henry Floyd Grammar School in Aylesbury. I am now currently in year 10 and am studying GCSE’s. I am a very energetic person and like to do all kinds of sports. I also think I am a musical person as I like to play my guitar and sing; I also play the drums and can play the piano to a certain extent. I am a happy and cheerful person most of the time, if I get angry, I will find it quite hard to hide it.
I was born in a Taoist family, and I thought my life was prefect, nothing to worry about, nothing to look forward to; until I was made to go to church when I was about six by my mum after she was told about the church. When I first went to church, I thought it was really boring as I didn’t know anything. I thought that Christianity was just a religion that you have to follow a set of rules to go to Heaven; I didn’t even know what Heaven was; I didn’t know who Jesus was, and I didn’t know who God was! I was told there was a treasure for me, a treasure that was greater than anything else, and that I would have a new life and be saved. I wanted all of this and would go to church every week.
I committed my life to Christ only last year and, when I had committed, I felt refreshed; I had to tell the world. But before that, I felt like I wasn’t worthy of the Salvation, after so many things I had done, the things I had never thought twice about until now. A few years ago, my mum, brother, sister and I went shopping at WH Smiths, I saw a children magazine, and it had a kiddie torch in it. I liked it, so I opened the magazine, took the torch out and stuffed it under my shirt. My brother did the same as he followed me then. The next week I went back to the same shop and looked at a Pokemon book. The same thing happened again; I liked the book so I stuffed it under my shirt. So many questions rushed into my head, should I get baptised? Why should I after all these things? “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus..” (Romans 8:1) I was in Christ, and I gave all my problems to Him to take care of; I felt free and relieved.
After I had committed to Christ, I would read the Bible every day, but it soon started to wear off. I asked myself, ‘Are you a real Christian? Or are you just a Christian on Sundays?’ I wasn’t really a Christian. I have to devote my life as a Christian: 24/7, not just on Sunday when I have church service to attend and not just on Friday for fellowship, I have to reflect the glory in every action I make, and to be a worshipper of God every minute, every hour every day.
One day before PHAT Camp 2008, we, youth, gathered in a room where we reflected on the past year or so, led by Ivan. We reflected on how our Christian lives were and what a true friend was. This was quite a moving time for me and helped me boost my strength as a Christian and to strengthen the bond among the youth. PHAT Camp was great; I cried my heart out as we praised our God on the last day. The atmosphere was so overpowering; you could feel the Holy Spirit in the room, people raised their hands to God, kneeled and praised the Lord in whatever way they could. We all had the heart of worship. ‘If I cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.’ (Psalms 66:18) Therefore, we let it all out for Him, we didn’t want anything else but Him, and we didn’t worry anything else but Him. All we had in our hearts was for Him.
After the camp, I would read the Bible every day. One day, I didn’t read the Bible before I went to sleep. However, I woke up in the middle of the night, and something urged me to read it. I felt guilty that I had not read it when I needed it really so bad. I looked for Christ, and I found deeper meanings in the Bible stories which would change my life if I applied them wholeheartedly. My school grades have improved a lot. Even though I don’t know what God wants from me, I know that He has a road laid out for me. All I need is to have faith in him even during the darkest times of my life and I will be able to achieve my goal, whatever it is. ‘The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.’ (Psalm 9:9-10)
I will have faith in Him, and nothing can take Him away from me. I would not have been liked this if I had not been urged by my mum to go to church and to recognise Christ, I would probably have stolen and would still have done things that are not acceptable, and I owe it all to Christ. I cannot imagine a life without Him and it’s a privilege to be children. He has chosen to spread the word. ‘I once was lost, but now am found, was blond, but now, I see.’--- Amazing Grace (song)
By His Grace, I am saved. AMEN
Well, my Christian life started 17 ¾ years ago. By God’s grace, I was brought up in a Christian family and even went to church while I was in my mum’s abdomen. So, I was brought up as a Christian. To be honest, when I was little, I thought I was a pretty good Christian. Since my parents took me to church every Sunday, I have learnt every Bible story from Sunday school. That was what I thought being a Christian was all about. It also became a habit: going to church every Sunday, praying at night and saying graces. It was only until I experienced God for myself that woke me up, that being a Christian is something more, something which I should treasure.
My wake up call was actually not the time I committed to Jesus Christ. Before my commitment, I already knew and believed that He was my Saviour and that He loved me, and died on the cross for me. Therefore, when I was asked if I wanted to commit my life to God, I couldn’t wait to say yes. My true embrace to Christianity was from seeing who and what God had given me. At the age of 11, it was the first time we went back to Hong Kong from immigrating here. I had serious asthma attack and resulting in spending most of the holidays in the hospital. My mum stayed with me through out the whole time. It was one cold night when I woke up and saw her praying for me at the side of my bed that made me realise what God has given me, and what I took things for granted all this time: my mum, my family, chance to move to England and my Saviour Jesus. That was the moment when I first cried from the heart. I turned away, so I thought she didn’t see me crying.
After that experience, it really opened my eyes and I understood what a Christian needed to do, and I learnt to do things like reading the Bible and praying because I loved God rather than the habit. It also made me apply a lot of the Bible knowledge to my life. So, to me that was the starting point where my spiritual life grew.
Now as Jesus said: a Christian life is not always fun and games. No one said it was going to be easy. So, as a spiritual child, I fell and stumbled a lot. There were ups and downs, narrow alleyways and blockades,…but the feeling of being picked up by God every time I fell, and the feeling of having His hand on my shoulders every time I needed comfort, and the feeling of knowing that I would be forgiven as long as I say sorry. I can say; it feels phenomenal.
There was a moment, when I went back on and doubted everything I had lived for, went back on every promise I had made in my heart to myself and to God. I felt betrayed and left in the dark in the house of the Lord, like a lamb in a flock when the wolf came. Not only did the shepherds not stop the wolf from attacking the lamb, but also the shepherds joined in to push me further and further away. Even with their help I felt more like being stumbled and rejected. Therefore, I went to reject the one whom promised me happiness and love. I felt coldness during that time. I didn’t think much, and didn’t talk much and felt quite alone. I blamed God even more for this. I blamed Him for rejecting me while I was the one who had rejected Him.
But thanks to the support of my parents, the aunties and uncles. I knew and understood my mistake, which was pushing God away when He was the one I needed most. Having Him carried me through during the dark periods of my life, because of knowing God was holding my hand and picking me up, I realised then that God was the only one I needed, and the only one I had. So, I thank all the aunties and uncles with the courage of starting up Calvary Chinese Christian Church. Although you might not know it, my soul was saved by God.
Since that day, I became very close to God, I relied on Him fully. When I gave my life to Him, He used me and His calling to His servant at this new home of His. I took on roles to help develop the church and the fellowship. This is why I decided it is time for me to take the next step and get baptised.
So, aunties and uncles whenever you are told that you are doing the work of the Devil don’t lose heart, you are not. The people that try to stop the work of God are working for the Devil, but you are working for God. You all encourage and guide me back on the right path to the eternal life that Jesus had given to me.You are faithfully working for God; I am the good evidence.
Lastly, I want to tell you all that I am a follower of Christ, and by the words of Matt Redman, “I am not an innocent bystander, I will not sit idly by, I will take ground, I will advance, I will not avoid this difficult fight, I will fight and I will be wounded but my wounds will heal. I will stand by my brothers in arms, I will fight until my last breath, I will not faultier, I will not cower, because I serve a great king!” May all glory and honour be to the Almighty Lord.